I know I normally stay along the lines of the horse world – that is the name of the blog after all – and I will get back to the horses later, however for now I’m going to stray away and get real for a bit. This one may be a little longer than the other blog posts I have written so far, but bare with me. Hold onto your hats ladies and gents, it’s honesty hour.
So. I’ve learnt, especially over the last 2 years that life goes pear shaped. It will go every which way other than the way you intended. I was so sure I had everything all planned out. Almost down to the letter, I had my plan set and that was exactly what was going to happen. How wrong I was!
I’ll give you some context to my current
existential crisis realisations.
I believed when I was 16 (when I got my acceptance letter into one of the best localish colleges) that I had my life firmly on track. I was going to spend the next two years doing my 4 chosen A-Levels at said ‘Good College’ (F.Y.I they were Psychology, Drama, Theology & Ethics and Photography) and within those two years I’d find my passion, preferably in one of those topics. From there I was going to go off to Uni, or go straight into work. Onward I’d go from there.
I had a big group of friends (the same ones all through high-school) that I was going to be friends with for my whole life. Looking back at that written down now, it’s easy to see how naive you can be.
I wasn’t even at the college for 2 months. I was so miserable, that something had to give. Looking at other options, I found a recently set up college based at a local riding school. Having ridden all my life and having a passion for horses I decided to move to this college and start a course in Horse Care and Management. As I was fortunate enough to be based on my own small yard I came up with the plan of using it as a base to set up a business. To be fair to myself, I did. Everyone knows there’s not a lot of money in horses (unless you start out rich.) That never bothered me, because the job satisfaction was immense.
To begin with, it was all running smoothly. Here I am almost 2 years down the line and things have been quite dramatically derailed.
I do not – if I am being totally honest, which is my intention here – come away with quite what I believed I’d be coming away with from this course. I am only closely in touch with two people from that big friend group from high school, (one of which is my other half & the other is my best pal) and one other, and I can’t have that career with horses anyway, due to dodgy knees (to cut a very long story short.)
So now, I’m back to square one. For a while, I felt like I’d totally wasted the best part of 2 years doing a course that for now – certainly for the foreseeable future – I can’t do anything with. I still do feel a bit like that some days, despite the cheery smile I attempt to plaster on some days.
My point is, after all that waffle, that no matter how much you plan and how prepared you think you are, sometimes life is going to throw HUGE curveballs at you. As someone who suffers from a touch of nerves, I do like to be able to control things within my life. I like having a plan and following it exactly – i’m not very good at being spontaneous. This situation I find myself in currently is teaching me how to swim in situations I’d have drowned in previously, and I’m proud of myself for that. I’m completely out of my comfort zone, coming to the end of my last year at college with not much of a ‘plan’.
The past 2 years have been an enormous roller-coaster, and I have no idea of where my life is heading. This sometimes sends me into a tizz but I’m taking today as it comes. Yesterday’s battle was mentally preparing myself for a jumping assessment I had in the afternoon (It went well, I passed!). I’m learning that it’s okay to not be 110% sure where things are heading and that I can in fact cope under something that I personally find very stressful (i.e not having a plan!)
Onto the horses. As you know, Freddie is my big grey beast. I’ve had him now for over two and a half years and in January we moved to our new yard (which is ace, it’s fab to be back and all was going very well.)
He hasn’t been himself recently and was clearly struggling last week. After a physio visit, our vet was summoned.
Freddie doesn’t like men. It isn’t personal, we just think he was battered about a bit as a baby, the poor boy. This isn’t ideal, as Robin the vet is a man. A man who brings needles. Not a good combo.
Anyway, Fred was checked all over and there was no obvious sign (heat in the leg, swellings, bumps or lumps etc) of why he was so sore. So, unfortunately he’s off to the vets in Liverpool for a ‘full body bone scan’. We suspect it’s more than one thing causing problems, but we still aren’t sure what. I’ve put a lot of blood sweat and tears into him, so for this to happen now when we are just getting somewhere is quite gutting. Fred is the priority of course, but it is still very frustrating. Poor sod has been lame for over a week now, I feel so sorry for him.
I’m not sure when he’s actually going to Liverpool yet, but i’m thinking I may have to send some kind of note with him explaining his… unique disposition. Despite him clearly being in pain, he’s not shown any sign of aggression or grumpiness towards anyone, all he wants is his ears rubbing and feeding.
Keep your fingers crossed for him please!
Tatty bye x